19w1d – Jan 9

I dreamed that I was a contestant on The Bachelor. I and 7 other women had gone on a group date and competed in some way to get the attention of the bachelor, whoever he was. The 8 of us were being notified via text throughout the day if we had been eliminated or were still in the running to be the winner of that date’s competition. I never got a text disqualifying me, but I saw my friend’s text disqualifying her.

At 6:30 pm we would find out the winner. I was hopeful that I was still in the running and was chatting in the hallway with some of the ladies about how I was being so cool and nonchalant about everything.

Then I saw a text on my phone. Oh no. Was I disqualified?


I was actually one of the semi-finalists, which in my dream meant it was down to the last two, and I was one of them.

It was after 6 pm that I saw the text. I had very little time to get ready.

I hadn’t showered. It was 6:17 pm. I had no time.

Okay. I will just wash my hair under the bathtub faucet with some 2-in-1 shampoo.

Isn’t that going to ruin your hair, one of the other ladies asked?

It will be fine. I had to hurry. Maybe the sopping wet hair would pass for a natural look that the bachelor would appreciate. That’s how these shows work, you know.

My hair is clean. It is after 6:25. I can’t find my dresses. None of them. Anywhere.

I need a long dress because I haven’t shaved in ages. (#reallife)

I want to wear my favorite bra, but my pregnancy boobs are gigantic, so I have to wear my nursing bra that I hate.

The bachelor comes in the room, and I sit quickly on the bed and pull a blanket over my lap. I have no bottoms on besides a pair of cotton briefs with little flowers on them.

He is very understanding and nice about it. He leaves.

I have 2 minutes to be ready. Still can’t find a dress.

Finally find a dress. The only dress in any of my closets.

It is long. But will it fit my pregnant body?

Time keeps passing. It’s 6:30. I’m not where I’m supposed to be. Will they wait for me?

It’s 6:32. I’m rushing. Will I make it?

The garbage truck outside wakes me up. They have never come before 7 am. Until today. They’ve never come before 8:30. New year, new them, I guess.

That dream and a couple of trips to relieve the pressure in my bladder are what my nights are like.

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4 Responses to 19w1d – Jan 9

  1. Carol says:

    Well, against all odds–you know, no dress, in fact, not dressed, wet hair, pregnant, swollen breasts, unshaven legs–I know you would have won. But really, Alyce, is that what you want? To win the bachelor named “whoever he was”?


  2. Carol says:

    Or, we could ask, what does this mean?


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