I dreamed that I was a contestant on The Bachelor. I and 7 other women had gone on a group date and competed in some way to get the attention of the bachelor, whoever he was. The 8 of us were being notified via text throughout the day if we had been eliminated or were still in the running to be the winner of that date’s competition. I never got a text disqualifying me, but I saw my friend’s text disqualifying her.
At 6:30 pm we would find out the winner. I was hopeful that I was still in the running and was chatting in the hallway with some of the ladies about how I was being so cool and nonchalant about everything.
Then I saw a text on my phone. Oh no. Was I disqualified?
I was actually one of the semi-finalists, which in my dream meant it was down to the last two, and I was one of them.
It was after 6 pm that I saw the text. I had very little time to get ready.
I hadn’t showered. It was 6:17 pm. I had no time.
Okay. I will just wash my hair under the bathtub faucet with some 2-in-1 shampoo.
Isn’t that going to ruin your hair, one of the other ladies asked?
It will be fine. I had to hurry. Maybe the sopping wet hair would pass for a natural look that the bachelor would appreciate. That’s how these shows work, you know.
My hair is clean. It is after 6:25. I can’t find my dresses. None of them. Anywhere.
I need a long dress because I haven’t shaved in ages. (#reallife)
I want to wear my favorite bra, but my pregnancy boobs are gigantic, so I have to wear my nursing bra that I hate.
The bachelor comes in the room, and I sit quickly on the bed and pull a blanket over my lap. I have no bottoms on besides a pair of cotton briefs with little flowers on them.
He is very understanding and nice about it. He leaves.
I have 2 minutes to be ready. Still can’t find a dress.
Finally find a dress. The only dress in any of my closets.
It is long. But will it fit my pregnant body?
Time keeps passing. It’s 6:30. I’m not where I’m supposed to be. Will they wait for me?
It’s 6:32. I’m rushing. Will I make it?
The garbage truck outside wakes me up. They have never come before 7 am. Until today. They’ve never come before 8:30. New year, new them, I guess.
That dream and a couple of trips to relieve the pressure in my bladder are what my nights are like.