The days that I come down to DC for work fly by so quickly that I don’t have time to think about much of anything besides work.
But here is what is going on pretty constantly in the back of my head as I go through my work day that today has been full of meetings.
- Would people treat me differently if they knew?
- What stage will this project we’re discussing be in when it comes time to give birth?
- When will I tell people?
- Do they already wonder?
Nonsense like that.
At this point, I basically don’t feel pregnant at all. Still. Again. Of course. I am also remembering that I didn’t “feel” pregnant for a loooooong time the first time around. So I’m telling myself I’m normal.
It’s amazing how easily I can go to a place of wondering if development has ceased and a miscarriage is imminent and I only don’t know it because of all the drugs I’m on.
It’s also amazing how often I feel so old and can’t believe I’m pregnant and what was I thinking my body is old and haggard and out of shape and how can I possibly do this.
The other amazing thing is that I am pregnant, and our family is growing. Talk about answered prayers. Talk about miracles. Talk about seeing the Lord’s hand in my life. Talk about full circle stuff.
So that’s the middle of week 5. Don’t feel it. Sometimes don’t believe it. Sometimes can’t believe it. Sometimes overwhelmed. Mostly grateful.