just you wait

a few things.

  1. i started an injection last night of a drug we haven’t tried since my very first IVF cycle. april 2012-ish. a lifetime ago. truly. feels like we’re coming full circle.
  2. i wrote a blog post during our most recent IVF cycle (#6) about how it was the last one. well, not exactly, it turns out. but i haven’t written all the nitty-gritty details of private conversations my husband and i have had with each other and with the Lord. needless to say, i’m giving myself shots again because the dream of another baby is alive and well.
  3. the three of us larsens went together to dad’s doctor appointment on monday. as we left, a woman in scrubs commented on the adorableness of the 2-year-old larsen and ended with, “he’ll be 30 before you know it.” and well, that kind of comment drives me bananas (or bee-nanas, as my son says).

let’s see if i can weave this all together.

it’s hard – i am actually terrible at it – to be with someone right where they are. it is unbelievably easy, if you are in a position “ahead” of where someone is, to remind them that they’re not there yet, that time is going to fly, that their present situation is fleeting.

that thing you’re going through right now that’s a big deal to you? not even close to as big a deal as something i’m going through now or something i know you’ll go through soon and probably haven’t even contemplated. (<– that’s really the sub-text when we say “just you wait” to someone, isn’t it.)

or maybe it’s not a big deal thing. it’s just something in your life that you’re experiencing and noticing and commenting (or not commenting) on. why do we as other humans feel compelled to dismiss that thing with the reminder that something else is out there? that your present condition is not enough. that this moment is already passing. why can’t we come up with something to say that recognizes that moment and allows us all to be in it together? happy or sad or thrilling or painful. whatever it may be.

i struggled with it a lot during my first pregnancy. each symptom i experienced or milestone of the pregnancy i passed was all too often met with a “just you wait” sort of statement. always left me feeling like i didn’t really get it yet. i hadn’t been through enough yet.

but like i said, i’m terrible at listening to my own preaching. i’ve done multiple IUIs and 6 IVFs and am starting another round now. do you know how likely i am to see someone just embarking on the ship of infertility and think that she ain’t seen nothing yet? do you know that i have sometimes given a condescending pat on the arm or shoulder and said that i had been there and done that a few times now so “just you wait”?

i kick myself for ever doing that. i hope i never do it again.

i want the people i encounter to feel more (not less) okay about their present circumstances for having crossed paths with me. that’s what i want.

my sister wrote a beautiful post about being present with her children. she was talking about something a little different from what i’m talking about. but it’s really all the same idea.

i can tell you how not to do it better than how to do it. but let’s try to be in the here and now with each other.

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2 Responses to just you wait

  1. mar says:

    I love this so much. I have often felt the same way and appreciated the people that appreciate my moment for what it is. And I love you so much.

  2. Carol says:

    Well, I love Marisa for loving you so much. Besides, if I’ve been through just absolutely everything, does that mean I know how absolutely everything will be for you? It’s a question requiring a NO.

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