my husband has a friend from his old job who is embarking on the path of ivf.

she’s been texting and calling. she’s got questions. it’s all so unknown and unknowable. so not what anyone expects when they decide to make babies.


my sisters and i went with my mom to her 46th high school reunion. summer of 2004 in santa monica, california. our trip included a sunday, so we found a church and attended services there.

one speaker that day was a 20- or 30-something single guy. he wasn’t entirely happy that he wasn’t married. he told us so. i seem to recall a story about one woman who had not treated him right. or to his liking. or something like that.

and now she was off “making babies” with someone else.

he found at least another couple of opportunities to talk about making babies.

at least i think he did.

or even if he only said “making babies” once, the phrase was so out-of-place that it’s pretty much all i can remember about church that day.

end of tangent.

so we – but mostly my husband – are hearing from his friend regularly.

she reports on their progress. infectious disease tests completed. genetic testing complete for her and still in process for him. another blood test for this or that for her or him is looking good or telling them this or that.

what will the shots be like? do they hurt? should i be scared?

i’ve talked to her a few times. blathered on about how much i’ve learned and how much she’s going to learn. and how she can totally do this.

but mostly she talks to my husband.

and i want to tell you something.

it’s true that my husband didn’t do the shots when we did ivf. i did. he didn’t have the ultrasounds and the egg retrievals. and so on. i did.

it is not true that he doesn’t know what it was like for me. he was right there with me the whole time. he might not have experienced the physical stuff. but he lived it with me.

we both experienced the emotion and the stress and the unknown-ness of it all. certainly in our own ways. but you get my gist.

he is telling his friend so many good things. giving her so much good support. so many good answers. he is able to tell her what it was like for him. he is able to tell her what it was like for me.

and i love him for it. i love him for being there for me then. i love him for remembering. i love him for being there for his friend now.

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One Response to perspective

  1. marty says:

    I am in tears…


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