37 weeks

i am 37 weeks pregnant today. missed doing a post for 36 weeks. do forgive.

yesterday marked 11 years since my dad died. yesterday was a monday, as you know. just like the day he died.  i talked to my mom for a while about him. about our shared belief in the resurrection. about how something about his death and this anniversary both being on a monday held some significance somehow.

yesterday was also a busy day of doctor visits and childbirth class.

and i admit to you that i am so very pregnant now that it occupies my time and my thoughts. and that i didn’t probably think about my dad yesterday or over the past few days as much as i would have if this baby weren’t dancing to “jump around” (you can stop after the first “chorus;” or don’t click at all) up in here.

the doctor visits went like this. (this might end up seeming like a really bad book report to you. all plot summary and very little analysis. sorry.)

got up really early. checked my fasting blood sugar. ate breakfast. drove to the doc. peed in the cup. check. blood pressure. 120/70. got weighed. same as last week.

got hooked up to the monitors for the nst. drank some ice water and tried to encourage bbl to move around so they could see some proper accelerations of his heart rate. he was not in the mood to move like he is later in the day (or right now, for that matter), but he apparently moved enough because they took me off the monitor and put me in an exam room for to visit with the midwife-of-the-week.

she told me, just as they’ve told me every week, that my blood sugars look perfect. beautiful. wonderful. hooray.

she then asked if i had any questions. i told her that i sometimes got different things told to me by the different midwives so i was sometimes confused. i told her about the differing information i’d heard about being induced at 39 weeks. (39 weeks is 2 weeks from today, you guys!) she said that if things keep looking good at the nsts and if the blood sugar is good, then she saw no reason for it. i told her the other midwife said the reason for induction had to do with my old age.

“you’re 38. not 48.”

yes, i said. she mentioned the stillbirth possibility again, and i asked how sudden the onset of that possibility would be. she said i need to be doing my “kick counts” and let them know as soon as or if anything changes in how active he is. i can do that, i said.

i told her that i really don’t want to be induced. that if it’s an option to wait for things to happen on their own, that’s what i’ll choose. she said, “it’s your body. it’s your baby. it’s your pregnancy.”

here’s how i explained it to her – my reasons for not wanting to be induced, for not planning on on epidural, for wanting things to happen naturally. and it’s not about having read up on it and concluding that it’s better for me and bbl to do things naturally. nope. haven’t read much, actually.

i am pregnant and having this baby after 3 attempts at artificial insemination and 5 ivf tries. and while i am thankful for the miracles that modern medicine (and some good old-fashioned love and prayers of faith and fasting) makes possible, the process of getting pregnant for us was wholly not the natural or normal way to get things done.

so now i want me and my baby to have, as far as possible, the opportunity to work together and on our own (plus some help from my loving husband and more love and prayers of faith and fasting) to bring him into the world. let’s keep the medical intervention minimized wherever possible. i want to experience what it’s like to have a baby like a normal woman. not a special case. not a high-risk this or that. just a healthy woman and a healthy baby.

i have not made a fuss up until now. i have submitted to the testing and extra procedures and precautions. but when i give birth, let’s leave all that stuff behind.

she repeated that it’s my body, my baby, my pregnancy a few more times. and she affirmed that i am reasonable and not crazy.

and, get this, she made a note in my file that i didn’t want to be induced so everyone could see it… if they look.

we talked about a few other things. you know, bring your own pillows because the hospital pillows are plastic and awful. and so on.

but i’ve covered the important stuff, don’t you agree?

the next doc appt went like this.

got there. waited. ate my afternoon snack of 2 homemade peanut butter ritz sandwiches and a cup of del monte peaches. without a spoon. really grossed my husband out. and gave me serious red face and fits of giggles to see him make gaggy faces. waited a little bit longer.

went back to get ultrasounded. they measured his head. his torso. his legs. took pictures of his heart. and tried to get a look at his profile or face so we could see him and maybe have another decent 3d image to take home.

no such luck. he had his hand over his face the entire time.

but based on their measurements, bbl is currently weighing in somewhere in the vicinity of 6 lbs 8 oz. which is in the 46th percentile. which, according to the doctor, is a wonderful thing. i am not having a huge gestational diabetes baby. i’m more likely to have something in the neighborhood of a mid- to upper-7-lbs baby. doc said he’ll gain about a pound or a little more in the next 3 weeks. sounds good to me.

his head measures bigger than average. but not outside the range of a normal head size. we asked about how big his head was because my head, as my mother will testify, was huge. then again, i was a pretty big baby. 10 lbs 2 oz is pretty big.

are you tired of reading yet?

i’ve got a couple more things to say.

getting out of bed is hard. putting on underwears and pants and skirts is hard. i’ll go ahead and call it downright painful. have i talked about this before? i say it (perhaps again) not to complain but just to remember. my feet are swollen. the bottom of my left foot is often numb.

i am having a real issue with getting my brain to say “contraction” instead of “transaction.” seriously. ask my husband.

i talk about braxton hicks transactions. i wonder out loud about what real transactions feel like. pretty much every single time i want to say contractions, out comes transactions. it’s unreal. and sort of disturbing. totally weird. and kind of hysterical. you’d be surprised how often you talk about contractions when you’re this close to your due date.

one time i was consciously trying my darnedest to say the right word. but my brain wouldn’t let me. i got as close as making the hard c sound, but something stopped me. my brain was not letting me say contractions. and then i made the t sound. but i fought back and stopped myself and made the hard c sound again. again, i couldn’t finish.

so i gave up.

can anyone explain this to me?

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3 Responses to 37 weeks

  1. Carol Schiess says:

    I just looked up transaction in the online dictionary. It is defined as “the act of being transacted.” So helpful. But I was thinking maybe you’ll have transactions–something about moving across, I’d say–instead of contractions. Or, in other words, to answer your question, No. I can’t explain it.

  2. Pingback: longing for deliverance | we are the larsens

  3. Pingback: 21w – Jan 22 | From Wonderland to Hinterland

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