this morning i feel like time is dragging.
i got to work at 6:50 this morning. it hasn’t even been 3 hours yet, but i feel like i’ve been here all day and part of another. i’m sure the fact that it’s monday and i’m in the office isn’t helping.
i really need to be more busy. idleness give me time to think about one of the things that bugs me about this job.
i have a co-worker that… well, let’s not name names and just say there’s a lot of drama in my office. (isn’t that true of every office in america? we can admit that. if we’re being honest. we can also get depressed at the thought. if we really think it’s true.)
so. drama. and i can’t even tell you how sick of it i am. i actually blurted out at lunch on saturday that i hate my job. and that’s probably not necessarily true. i just hate the drama. and the gossip. and the pettiness.
and i don’t like that i can’t trust anyone. literally anyone. everyone tells everyone everything. so i can’t even do something normal like talk to my boss about an issue i’m having with someone i supervise because that will somehow get back around to everyone. a twisted version of it, of course.
it’s also about not being able to trust people because they might not be telling the truth. or they very likely are only saying what they think you want to hear and will turn around and tell other people something else because that’s what the other people supposedly want to hear. what is that?
clearly, i’m on one this morning.
but really, it’s been building up inside of me for oh i don’t know how long. probably for about 2 years. (p.s. i’ve work in this office for 10 years (yowza!) this month.)
i don’t function well when i can’t trust people. i think because i’m basically an honest person and tell it like it is. so when other people don’t operate that way, i don’t know how to process it. don’t know how to react. don’t know how to proceed. so i end up doing nothing and hating every minute of it.
and you’re reading this and thinking what you’ve been thinking for years and years for one reason or another: get a different job.
but that’s not really what i need to hear right now. i need to figure out how to function in this environment because i’m still in it and can’t get out of it just by say i should get a different job. and getting a different job wouldn’t mean there would be no drama in my office. it’s everywhere, i’m afraid, as i’ve said.
i handle the drama a lot better when i’m working at home. obviously because i am not as aware of it when i’m in a remote location. it’s amazing how much office gossip and nonsense you avoid when you’re only there virtually. try it, you’ll see.
so. ummm. yeah.
that’s how my week is starting.
p.s. if you talk to my sister, she might tell you that i was “on one” yesterday, too. so maybe today’s attitude is a carryover from yesterday. hooray for that possibility. but seriously, even if today’s mood is colored by yesterday’s, how i feel about the drama and the dishonesty (or whatever it is) is still pretty accurate.
p.p.s. does this kind of post mean i can never run for political office? is this the kind of post that would make a prospective employer think twice about hiring me? tell me quick.