give your post a title

last wednesday, i finally admitted to the fc (dr. o, in fact) that for the past couple of ivf cycles, i’ve been nursing a paranoia that the fc was going to kick us out of the shared risk program.

you’ve paid for 6 cycles, you say (minus the drugs, lest we forget). why would you be worried about getting kicked out before all 6 cycles are complete?

i will tell you.

one, i’m crazy normal.

two, the contract has a convenient little clause that gives either party the option to cut the cord, so to speak, at any time. if we decided to call it quits, our justification would need to be something sensible like, “ICAN’TTAKETHISANYMORE!”

the fc would have to have a better reason than that. obviously.

but since the contract doesn’t specify what would qualify as a justifiable reason to send us packing, i maybe have let my weak mind take over a time or two and told myself that they’re secretly getting closer and closer to calling it quits. because they don’t like my eggs. because they don’t like how i respond to the drugs. because they don’t think i can get pregnant. because they took my last blood draw to a psychic and had him or her use it for a reading of the tea leaves.

i had enough sense to tell myself i was being ridiculous. but not enough to sense to get myself to just plain ask. (it’s a problem i have when i’m afraid of what the answer will be.)

until last week. last week i had enough sense to admit my paranoia.

and do you know what dr o said?

she said that no one has ever once said a word or probably even had a thought about dropping us curbside. that we’re all in this high school musical together. till the bitter or sweet end. so knock it off.

i feel much better. even if her answer had been something i didn’t want to hear, i would be moving forward and making decisions based on knowledge and information and not on assumption and paranoia. i would still feel much better.

so let that be a lesson to you. speak up. communicate. you’ll be glad you did.

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One Response to give your post a title

  1. Carol Schiess says:

    Well, at least I’m glad you did. Speak up, that is.
    Besides, they like you too much to dump you. Anybody knows that.

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