1. go to lowe’s.
2. buy a new toilet seat. the slam-proof kind.
3. drive home.
4. remove old toilet seat. (this step will be harder than you expect because the old toilet seat turns out to be practically cemented on.)
5. decipher instruction graphics on box.
6. attach new (slam-proof) toilet seat.
7. admire your handiwork.
8. drag your husband into the bathroom to admire your handiwork.
9. sit back.