this morning, i paid a scheduled visit to the fc. they measured me to see where they would deposit the embryo(s) when the embryo transfer step of ivf gets around to happening.
in preparation for this happy and progressive appointment, i completed an assignment. drink 48 ounces of any non-carbonated beverage between 7:30 and 8:45 am. the appointment was at 9:30. being the overachiever that i am, i drank 36 ounces of water and 16 ounces of low sodium v8. oh, and no peeing between 7:30 and 9:30. well, between 7:30 and whenever the measurements were completed. do you get the feeling that it’s really important to have a full bladder for this procedure?
yeah. i basically have no desire to drink anymore. today. maybe ever. we’ll see.
i told the doctor and the ultrasound tech and the other lady in the room (whom i’ve never seen before and was not introduced to) that this morning’s full bladder didn’t come close to being the fullest my bladder has been. i’ve had to pee way worse than this, i said.
the year was 2006. also in march. and i was in toledo. spain, not ohio.
toledo (i chose the link because i like the picture) is a cool little town, and i think that we walked almost the whole of it that day. at the beginning of our walking tour, we wandered up a hill just outside the city in hopes of a good view for some picture-picture. what we found were a lot of no trespassing signs and images that convinced us we were interlopers at a military compound of sorts.
we hightailed it to town to see the pretty buildings up close.
we ended up at the toledo cathedral. it was gorgeous. of course, so are all the cathedrals in spain, and by this time – the last day of our week there – we had seen many. but this one was special, so special they charged admission. and we had euros to burn because who wants to buy back dollars after an international trip? nobody.
in what seemed like only moments after we stepped into the edifice my bladder started mouthing off to my brain.
bl: hey, i’m full. i’d like to relieve myself.
br: too bad. we just got here. we paid money to get here. this place is huge, and there’s loads or ornateness to see, so shut your trap.
bl: seriously, i gotta go.
br: seriously. why didn’t you say something sooner? like even 5 minutes ago. there’s not a bathroom to be had. and no re-entry. so you’re in this for the long haul.
bl: i didn’t realize how full i was. come on, this cathedral is just like the rest. let’s get out of here.
br: you are going to walk through every crypt of this place and like it. do you hear me?
it went on like this for some time. i felt so guilty. i didn’t want to ask my traveling companions to leave right after arriving. but man. i was feeling the pressure. and it was building.
i know i took pictures. at least i think i did. oh wait no i didn’t because nevermind.
whether or not i took pictures doesn’t matter. what matters is what i remember about the place. (1) the front facade. before we went inside. because at that point i did not yet need to urinate something fierce. or anything at all. everything else is a blur. a faded and distant fog. (2) how badly i needed to pee. how much pain i was in. my bladder has never ever in my whole life cried out in pain like it did that day. (3) how bugged i was that the cathedral didn’t have a measly little bathroom.
i finally broke down and forced my friends to leave. we winded (speed-walked) through a couple of streets and found a mcdonald’s. the golden arches represented salvation (no, not salivation) to me. glory be and hallelujah. my bladder thanked me. my whole body thanked me. my shoulders relaxed. my feet. i think that my hair even relaxed.
we all got ice cream cones and sat outside basking in the late afternoon cool.
and then we saw them.
but that, my friends, is a story for another day.