if-then statements

if you only purchase and eat whole wheat ritz, then you’ll never be reminded of the amazing deliciousness of original ritz. of course, if you decide to google “whole wheat ritz” because you want to add a link to the product’s website because that’s something you like to do on your blog, you might find something like this and feel duped by marketing ploys and wonder why you got sucked in and begin hatching a plan to buy the real thing on your next trip to the grocery store.

if you watch top chef texas, then you might know what i mean when i say that i’m glad beverly is gone. and chris jones, too. and i wish sarah would just go away already.

if you were trying (unsuccessfully) to get pregnant and decided to write a fictional (seriously) story about a couple trying to get pregnant, then you might find that your appetite for working on said story is limited (meaning none) during the days when you are taking ovulation predictor kits and getting negative test results.

if you were looking for a delicious and super easy homemade salsa recipe that is patterned after something that i bought at the grocery store, then you would get a bowl and dump in the following:  1 can of black beans (rinsed and drained), 1 can of black eye peas (rinsing and draining are optional), more than half of a frozen bag of whole kernel shoepeg corn (eyeball it), half of a chopped red onion, a couple minced garlic cloves, a chopped tomato (i like small pieces), a chopped green bell pepper, one jalapeno (with the seeds because using only half of the seeds provided almost no kick and you need at least a little kick when you’re making salsa), salt to taste, and chopped fresh cilantro. you would also eat your salsa with tostitos multi-grain scoops. if you wanted to eat the delicious and super easy homemade salsa recipe the same way i did.

if you were writing a blog post of if-then statements and had just learned that whole grain ritz were a lie, then you wouldn’t google “tostitos whole grain scoops” because you love them too much to risk it.

if you thought that some bad snow storms would get you out of making your weekly drive to dc this winter, then you’d be wrong. so far.

if you think that valentine’s day being on a tuesday is really lame and the fact that you’ll be out of town (down in dc, duh) really messes up an awesome opportunity for romance and love, then you’re not me.

if you were me, then you’d think that valentine’s day (and new year’s day) are over-hyped and that birthdays and anniversaries are much better days to fill with love and romance and surprises.

if you’re still reading, then thank you.

if you think that playing phase 10 with your family is a fun way to spend an afternoon or evening, then raise your hand.

if you think that the oscars are going to be lame this year because of the dearth of quality cinema, then you’re invited to come over on oscar night and groan with me.

if you’re worried that the clock is 5 minutes past the scheduled start time of your next conference call, then knock it off. these meetings always start late. especially when the last one ended 20 minutes ago, 40 minutes later than scheduled. security at the phb is a nightmare.

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3 Responses to if-then statements

  1. marisa says:

    i love you. enough said.


  2. Carol Schiess says:

    If I am your mother–and I am–then that is a good thing and I can take some credit for your unfailing cleverness.


  3. liz h says:

    Something tells me Beverly is coming back this week… So sorry.


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