no really, try not to be jealous

what a house like this is doing in lancaster county i might never know.  click on the picture and check out the floorplan.  spend some time looking at the floorplan to get a sense of what’s there, realizing that you can’t see the hot tub on the upstairs terrace or the pool and pool house in the backyard.  now try to imagine every detail being beyond what you can imagine.  every bedroom has its own full bath with a better shower than your master bathroom has.  and all the toilet seats have a control panel to set the temperature of the toilet seat and the temperature of the water that sprays either in the front or the back, if you know what i mean.  and the girls’ bedrooms have crystal chandeliers.  the walls all throughout are hand-painted to look like wallpaper.  i can’t describe it.

other highlights: a dog room in the giant mud/laundry room, complete with a drain (i’m guessing you put spot in there and close the door to let him shake out the water and mud).  the brick flooring of said mud/laundry room.  the gym in the master suite, complete with cork floor.  the gas fireplace above the double tub in the master bath.  the dry sauna in the gym.  the wet sauna in the master bath.  the $500 juicy couture receipt in one of the drawers of the closet in the master suite.  the cabinets hiding a coffee and wine bar and microwave and refrigerator in what i will call the foyer of the master bedroom. oops, i am so sorry.  it’s called an ante chamber, not a foyer.

oh, and did i forget to mention the theater.  the thickest and most comfy black carpeting to go with black walls and black everything.  no light or color to distract from the action on the hi-def projection screen.

photographs weren’t allowed or i would have taken some for you because my descriptions are weak at best.  not that my photographs would have cut the mustard, but they would have helped.  oh, and the powder room at the front of the house has a black toilet.

if you can believe it, the house itself is not the story i want to tell here today.  i want to tell the out-and-out gossip we heard about the people who are going to live in the house from the neighbor we chatted with while waiting for the bus to pass that was carrying the next set of parade-of-homers down (up? the bus actually reversed all the way to the house and then drove back to fruitville pike) the half-mile gravel road.

my husband started the conversation with the neighbor lady by saying what a nice big yard she has.  she thanked him, and then he asked how disruptive the construction had been.  the gravel road to the mansion in the picture up there ran along the back of her yard, separating, we came to find out, her property from her parents’ home and farm and horses.  needless to say, the construction was disruptive, especially for her dogs who were used to running back and forth to the farm.

oh, but who cares about that.  without asking, we found out who will be living in the house.  i won’t name names because who knows who might ever read this blog.  and who knows if i will one day run for office and will need this man’s vote.  not to mention money, which he clearly has.  (i guess the picture up there might give it away, huh.)  he used to live four or five houses down from the neighbor with whom we were chatting.  with his wife and their three children (all teenagers, according to mrs. neighbor).  but they have recently split, and now he has a new girlfriend.  so he built the house for himself and his girlfriend, who has two children of her own.  thus, the five bedroom suites, one for each child.  not that the children will necessarily live there.  the wife and three children still live four houses down.

mrs. neighbor:  it’s in very poor taste.  building a house like that for your new girlfriend under the nose of your wife.  she still lives there, four houses away.  it’s all in very poor taste.

i will withhold judgment.  if you want to hear what my husband thinks, give us a call.

one final note.  i want to live in this house.  with a few minor modifications.

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6 Responses to no really, try not to be jealous

  1. queenann says:

    Do I comment too often? Sorry.

    Cute–the little house at the end, not the big house at the beginning. Cute Cute. And I use the term “little” loosely.

    Total gossip, lady. Wow.

    Also, I do want to know what your other half thinks. But I’m not going to call tonight.

  2. Carol Schiess says:

    I like it. Is it built under somebody’s nose?

  3. Puna says:

    Is the girlfriend twenty years younger than the wife? That would certainly add insult to injury.

  4. Carol Schiess says:

    What I mean is I like the house at the end and is it also built under somebody’s nose. You knew that. Right?
    And girlfriends are mostly 20 years younger than wives.

  5. liz hawkins says:

    Wow. I wonder what he’ll do for his third wife.

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